Naming criteria

I realize for many people, naming is not as much of a struggle. Some people have had this name that they've loved since they were kids and they stick with it throughout the pregnancy and actually use it on their kid. I keep lists of names (as previously mentioned), but as soon as I get pregnant, all of the sudden none of them quite seem like "the" name for baby. Heidi's name was a name that we found in a baby name book about 3/4 of the way through the pregnancy. It wasn't on any of our initial lists. It's starting to look like it will be the same for baby boy.

Things that are important to me for selecting a name:
--I cannot know anyone with that name, especially any kids in the local area. And definitely no one at school (though I'd maybe make an exception if it was a really good kid and a big age difference between my kid and this kid--like there is a Heidi at school now, but she's in high school and a great kid so it doesn't bother me).
--The name has to be easy to spell and easy to pronounce. It has to be an established name (not some kreatyve spelling or made-up recently name). I really don't want my kid to be explaining his name for the rest of his life.
--It has to sound good with our last name, which essentially means no 2-syllable names that end in --er even though I like a lot of those names.
--I'd prefer it's not in the top 100 nationwide or statewide. I think Heidi is in the mid 200's for the year she was born.
--Josh and I both have to love it.

Now you can see why it's been so hard.

Dear baby boy...

Today I am 23 weeks pregnant with you. Did you know 23 is my favorite number? It's my birthday and Daddy's birthday, and the day we started dating all those years ago. And it means that in 17 weeks (or so) I will be holding you in my arms. I'm so ready. I cannot wait to see what you look like, hear what you sound like, feel how heavy you are in my arms. I cannot wait to see your big sister with you and your Daddy with his son. I cannot wait until our family is truly complete. April cannot come soon enough!
Love,
Mama

Name progress

No spoilers included :)

We've tentatively narrowed the name list to a Top 2. We'll continue looking at other names and see if anything else sticks out and of course I have my favorite of the Top 2 and Josh has his. We both like them both, I think. We'd talked about them yesterday with Heidi to see which one she liked (she liked mine more for the record). Today we were picking on her about calling the baby Broccoli and she said, "it's not Broccoli it's 'namewe'reconsidering'!" So surprised she remembered that name. And I told Josh, no, I did not put her up to that.

I feel much closer to baby boy now that I can imagine him with a name (or two).

Yesterday v. Today

Yesterday I was in dismay because I felt like baby boy might never have a name. Josh gave me his name lists and his names are sooo dated and just not-my-style at all. Luckily, he likes a few off of my name lists (which clearly are superior *wink*).

Today I feel even a little excited thinking we have it narrowed down to three names for baby boy.

Yesterday I was a little excited about shopping for baby boy clothes and selling/purging baby girl clothes.

Today I went through all the baby girl clothes and was so sad I'd never see them on another daughter. And really disheartened by the 1/3 of a tub of boy clothes that I could salvage from what HJ had that was gender neutral.

I'm going to have a son

Our long-awaited ultrasound was Wednesday. I was nervous on many accounts. I was nervous that something would be wrong with baby. I was worried that baby wouldn't show the goods. But he did. Several times. I'm happy to know, but I'll admit I'm a little overwhelmed.

I am one of four girls. I have a daughter. I have very little experience with boy babies. The boy babies in my family were born when I was away in college or lived 5 states away when they were born. I have a lot of experience and a comfort-zone with girls. Most people say boys are easier, but girls are all that I know.

I know there will be a million things I will love about having a son. I get a soft-spot in my center just thinking about him. But it's going to take a little while to sink in.

Oh yeah, and we have to name him too. That could be a challenge.

On anticipation

A) I'm so excited for the ultrasound tomorrow and so so nervous that baby won't share the goods and I'll have to wait even longer. Gah! I'm nervous too that I'll end up being disappointed with the sex. And I'm anxious to hear that baby is healthy.

B) We do share the sex. We shared with Heidi. We loved getting girly things and having everyone know that we were having a daughter.

C) We will not share the name. Not that we know what it is anyway. Not that we really have any idea, actually. But when we do figure that out, we'll keep the secret to just us. We don't do it to drag out the anticipation. And as cool as it was last time, we don't really do it for the big reveal on baby's birth day. We do it because I want to make sure that I use a name that I love without worrying about what other people think. I would hate to tell someone the name and have to interpret their facial expression or hear a "that's...interesting" and make me second-guess a name that I love. Folks seem to be a little more careful with their opinions when they know that it's just the baby's name--it's not up for discussion.

So hopefully you'll all know the sex of the baby within the next couple of days. But baby's name will have to wait until April 4th-ish. Hopefully we have one figured out by then.

The "surprise"

We found out the sex with Heidi Jean (paid $100 extra to find out since she refused to show the goods [or lack thereof] at the medically necessary ultrasound). We are finding out in less than two days with baby Noodle (providing he/she continues the trend of being more cooperative than big sister).

Some people say that finding out the sex takes away the "surprise." Takes away your reason for working so hard during labor. Etc. I just kind of don't get it. The sex of my baby is such a small part of who he or she is and will be. I knew that Heidi was a girl and I loved being able to call her "she" and order name letters for her and calling her by her name and knowing before she was born that she was my little Heidi girl. But I didn't know that she would be born with a head of dark hair. I didn't know what her cry would sound like, how she would sleep, what color her eyes would be, how long her fingers and toes would be. There were still so many surprises. Never once during labor did I think "eh, I already know she's a girl, no rush." I was still dying to see my baby and meet her and hold her in my arms and kiss her and see what a little mixture of Josh and I would be. Not to mention that getting the baby out is the only way to make the pain lessen, so that's kind of a big incentive.

Also, I don't like gender neutral baby clothes. At all.

Workin' in a school...

Funny things happen when you're pregnant and you work in a school. You encounter a lot of people. And a lot of the people are under a certain age where their filters aren't fully developed. I kind of love it.

I work with some boys with behavioral issues. I was meeting with one of them earlier this year (before I was showing obviously) and discussing how we would be working towards a reward at the end of the year--which I then amended to say, well, probably in March because I won't be here for the end of the year. Which of course prompted him to ask why and I revealed that I was going to be having a baby in the beginning of April. The dear boy got this confused, almost embarrassed look on his face. And then asked "are you married?" Yes, I am. I even have another child (also born in wedlock, not that I went that far with my young friend). Feeling flattered I asked "I don't look old enough?" and he confirmed that I did not.

Today was the second funny thing at school. I'm walking towards the gymnasium (which you have to walk through to get to the office) and there is a high school class in there playing hockey. The kids who aren't currently in the game are up on the stage hanging out and spot me coming. It became very clear that one of them said something about me because about 5 heads pivoted over my way in unison. Yes, I was rocking the maternity shirt (and pants!) today. The funnier part was that one of our students is very very pregnant right now and she was in the group. So maybe they were just checking out my stylish maternity clothes with envy. Or maybe they too were wondering if I was married or bringing scandal to the school. Or maybe my hair was sticking up funny. Guess we'll never know.

Twenty Weeks!

Logically, I know it's not really halfway since you are already 4 weeks pregnant the minute you get that positive pregnancy test. Nevertheless, I'm calling it halfway! And. I'm feeling like I'm going to be stretched to the max. Within the last few days I've started to feel that uncomfortableness of I can't sit, can't stand, can't lay without something aching, pulling, or stretching. My good friend at work today said I looked much more pregnant today than last week when she saw me. And then in the same breath asked if I was still wearing my regular pants (sort of, they are ones I was too small for after I lost weight and now I can't button all the buttons). At any rate, I'm growing and baby is growing.

And in 7 days we should know whether we are having a son or a daughter. I cannot wait.

20 weeks to go--give or take!

19 week ramblings.

Heidi has decided we should name the baby Rapunzel. I asked her "what if the baby is a boy" and she adamantly stated "it's a girl!"

We will see in less than 2 weeks! In general I feel like this pregnancy is going quickly, but these last couple of weeks since we've known when the ultrasound is going to be have dragged on. I'm so excited to find out and hoping that baby cooperates so we can (unlike big sister).

I've been researching and pinning pictures of newborn and maternity photography that I like. I know it's kind of a splurge, but this is going to be our last baby (in all likelihood) and I really want to document it and cherish it. My newborn pictures of Heidi are one of my absolute favorite things.

And I've finally moved to at least the hairband trick for all my pants. I haven't resorted to maternity pants. Yet.

18 Weeks.

Things you notice at 18 weeks:

--baby somersaults or kick-boxing or something
--crossing your arms is just different than before
--pants fit way differently in the evening than they did in the morning when you put them on
--waking up laying on your back is unnerving
--even if you go to bed at 8pm and wake up at 6am, you still never feel rested
--you have to add an extra snack in every morning and every afternoon
--panic starts to set in about all the things still to figure out, still to decide, and what life will be like.

Pregnancy Fashion

I was "lucky" this pregnancy in that I was down to my lowest weight in a long, long time prior to becoming pregnant, which meant that I had my old "non-maternity" clothes to work my way up through prior to having to start wearing maternity clothes. I call that luck because everyone knows your wardrobe becomes severely limited when you cross over into maternity land. How many clothes can you really justify buying when you know you're going to get like 5-6 months use out of them tops. So, I've been in regular clothes up until now. In fact, a couple pairs of my work pants are still a touch big so I'm anticipating I'll be wearing those normally for a few more weeks.

But the cross over is starting. Other than those 2 pairs of work pants, the rest of my pants have crossed over into the "ponytail holder over the button" trick or the use of a Bella Band to be able to leave them unbuttoned and have them stay up. I'd been milking out a few of my longer non-maternity shirts as well, but over the weekend I put on one of my new maternity shirts (I bought a few in smalls this pregnancy so that I would have some to wear for these middle months) and it was so nice not to have to tug on it all day long that I anticipate many more shirts will be making their way out into daylight soon.

I have found it to be very true that maternity clothes make you look infinitely more pregnant than regular clothes. And that's A-Okay.

What's in a name?

I am kind of a namer. I belong to a naming message board, I keep name lists (long ones). My name lists have names and popularity rankings (according to the US Social Security rankings). My name lists have meanings. My name lists are sorted by long lists and Top 10 lists and favorite name combos (first name and middle name) and names I would actually use on a real kid.

This entire pregnancy I have avoided talking with Josh about names for two reasons 1) I know we have different taste in names and I remember how hard it was for us to find Heidi's name and 2) I'm terrified that he'll hate all of my names and I'll cry.

The bad thing about not talking names until now is that I've become attached to a couple of names. They are kind of my "top" names and names I think I would really use if it was up to me TODAY to name baby Noodle. Gosh, just giving the fetus a nickname was hard enough.

So tonight, I shared my lists with Josh. For naming purposes I shared the "names I would actually use on a real kid" lists. And, as expected, he massacred them. I denied him veto power at this point hoping that some of the names might "grow" on him. But really, as awesome as it is to have a partner in life, it kind of sucks when I have to defer to someone else for a huge decision like this.

I'm hoping that a name will pop for both of us like it did with Heidi. We stumbled upon her name well-into the pregnancy (around 30 weeks). We both thought on it for one day and the next day I said "I think she's a Heidi" and he said "so do I." And she was. And I still adore her name. That makes it even harder for me to think that maybe I won't love baby Noodle's name as much as I do hers. That maybe I'll have to use a compromise name.

Sigh. Maybe if I feed him lots of alcohol I can get him to agree to my favorites. Off to email him my lists so that he can think about them so more.

Doctor Appointment Day

I love doctor's appointment days :) I'd go every week if they'd let me just for the reassurance that the doppler brings. I was a little nervous because I hadn't felt Noodle move much over the last couple of days (but s/he is kicking like crazy this very minute!). Nevertheless, I measured where the doctor was pleased (15.5 cms, means nothing to me--I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow). And she easily found the heartbeat and it was 158 beats per minute. Nice and steady. Doctor wanted me to wait until my next appointment (almost 22 weeks) to schedule the ultrasound, but I pouted a little, so she let me schedule it today as long as I waited until after 20 weeks to schedule it. So November 23rd is the BIG day. 23 is my lucky number, so I have a good feeling about it. 4 more weeks until we know if baby Noodle is a boy or girl! So excited!

Reassurance

In general, I love feeling the baby move. S/he is pretty predictable in movements, usually right after lunch the baby moves and in the evening when I sit down to rest. I just love it. It never gets old.

Of course, the added benefit is the reassurance that I get from feeling the movements. I felt really terrible this morning after cleaning house all day yesterday and this morning. I laid down for a bit and didn't think much of it. Then after eating lunch and sitting down to relax I didn't feel baby and realized I hadn't really felt it all day. A couple of other things worried me as well (that are TMI but worrying anyway).

And so, it is wonderful to lay down on the couch this evening and feel the familiar flutters and be able to relax a little bit knowing that my baby is moving away in there.

Tuesday is the next appointment and hopefully we'll be setting up the "big" ultrasound. So excited to find out if we're getting a baby brother or sister for the HJ :)

16 weeks in pictures

H'lo baby bump...

Love. Flutters.

My absolute favorite thing about being pregnant (and I don't think I'm alone here) is feeling the baby move. It's a reminder that my baby is in there. It's a reassurance that my baby is alive and well. I felt it early with Heidi (especially for a first pregnancy); in fact, both Josh and I felt her move around 16 weeks. So I had been anxiously anticipating when baby Noodle was going to start poking me from the inside. Over the weekend I started feeling a few flutters and thinking..."maybe" and as I have continued to feel them every night, I become more and more certain that baby is in there making his/her presence known.

Last night I was laying on the couch and baby was doing somersaults or something. I could feel tons of movement and I kept putting my hand on the outside of my belly to see if I could feel something from the outside. Of course, Josh noticed me doing it right away and came running over, lifted my shirt, put an ice-cold hand on my belly, leaned really close and started talking to baby, "give Daddy a kick! kick me right where my face is, come on baby, give a kick for daddy." I don't think he felt one, but it still melted my heart.

I think this pregnancy is much more real to both of us because it's not our first (uh, we know there's going to be a baby come April) and because we worked so hard to get here. I remember when it hit me with Heidi's pregnancy, I think it was around 30 weeks in and I just stopped Josh one night and said "I just love her so much already." and he said "so do I." I think I had that same feeling about 5 weeks in this time. I feel like my family is complete.

Happy 16 weeks baby Noodle, we can't wait to meet you!

The impatience

No, not mine. I know that I'm impatient. I don't try to make excuses for it, but I acknowledge that it's a problem.

One that my daughter inherited. For as slow as she moves, the girl has no patience when it comes to something she wants. Like a baby brother or sister. It's become a daily conversation now with her asking if the baby is coming after I'm done with work and how big is the baby and when is the baby coming?  I usually show her with my hands how big the baby has to be before it comes out. Today she came up to me in the kitchen, put one hand on each side of my belly and asked "the baby is this big?" Not quite darlin' dear, some of that (*cough* a lot) is just your mama. I thought that describing when the baby would come by using the seasons would help Heidi to understand it (I tell her the baby is coming after winter when the snow melts and it starts getting warm). Perhaps she understands that winter is just really long around here and that's a long time to wait.

We're all impatient for the next month or so when we should be able to find out if it's "little brother" or "little sister."

Fifteen

15 glorious weeks today.

Sometimes I hear songs on the radio and they are just how I am feeling that very minute. I was driving home today (like a two minute drive from where I was) and the song was..."before I ever knew you...before I ever knew you...I dreamed of you." Of course, in the song, they are referencing a romantic relationship or something, but that's how I feel about my children. Before I knew them I wanted them, I loved them, I dreamed about them and who they would be. I'm feeling so blessed.

I have also felt a couple of twinges in the last couple of days that may or may not be Noodle. Maybe I just want it to be so badly, but I know it will be soon if that wasn't the real thing yet.

The best cure for baby fever...

I had my niece over the weekend. She is 4 months old now and sweet as could be. I love her to pieces. I posted some pictures of her on Facebook, which led me to go back and look at all her tiny newborn pictures. Just 4 months ago. I remember so clearly seeing her be born, holding her when she was 1 day old and feeling this ache inside me that I just wished she was mine. Wished that I had a little tiny baby like her to nurture and love and grow. Little did I know at the time that I was only 10 months removed from holding my own baby. How wonderful it will be for the cousins to be so close in age. How happy I am that my baby fever gets to be cured by an actual baby of my own. I cannot wait.

Nerves

I thought after the first ultrasound, seeing that wonderful heartbeat, that I would feel reassured. That I would be relaxed and able to enjoy every minute. But I'm still nervous. I feel really really good this pregnancy. I think that's part of it. Tomorrow I have another appointment and I can't stop myself from worrying that we won't be able to find a heartbeat and I'll have to beg for an ultrasound and what if something is wrong? I know that's not likely now that I've both seen and heard the heart beat. But it's been a month since last time and I can't help but worry. I enjoy my monthly reassurance.

12 Weeks

I know I still have a long way to go, but 12 weeks sounds farther along to me than 11 weeks :)

We've known about Baby Noodle for 8 weeks that means. 2 months of joy and elation. 28 more weeks until we're holding our precious baby in our arms.

I was also pleased that in my "your pregnancy this week" email it said that you might be in maternity clothes by now, particularly if this isn't your first. And I'm not yet. Well, to be fair, I had some regular clothes that have been too big since my recent weight loss and I've been wearing those. But even without them I'm sure I could still make do with my regular clothes and a Bella Band. I am excited though to break out the bag of maternity clothes, especially the few new things I'll have this time around.

And in just 8 weeks we should be able to find out if we're having a boy or girl. So excited for that. Next week I have another appointment and I'm excited to hear the heartbeat again :)

The Sex

So, we somewhat debated this time about finding out the sex. We found out with Heidi and I loved knowing. I just felt more bonded to her knowing that she was a "her" and a "she" and that once we settled on the name that was her name.

This time the big factor for me was Heidi again. She's very much in "little sister" mode, so I think it would be nice to know what's coming and be able to have 20 weeks to amp her up on how cool little brothers are if baby Noodle happens to be a boy.

We should be able to find out in mid-Novemberish...so I'm thinking of doing a Thanksgiving dessert gender reveal. Still debating on that one. Might be able to bring Aunt Laura in on the secret and do some turkey cake pops or something :)

Patience isn't my forte

Things I'm anxious for:

• Feeling the baby move (we felt Heidi move at 16 weeks, so I'm hoping we feel Noodle that early as well). Having Heidi feel the baby move.
• Finding out the sex
• Which leads to talking names and naming the baby
• Being big enough to wear maternity clothes (and not look like a fool)

The bump

Today was the test. To see if the bump would fit in the bridesmaids dress. She did. Just barely.

If I grow any more in the next 8 days I may bust my zipper. I hope that doesn't happen.

After trying on the dress I went and got Taco Bell. I don't think that's helpful.

Am I a yogi now?

I did some pregnancy yoga this afternoon [almost begged off and pretended that cleaning the kitchen would be my exercise, but since I'm trying to get back in a rhythm and dinner was only going to need like 15 minutes, I really had no excuse]. The yoga workout is the back-end of this pregnancy dance workout that I did a lot when I was pregnant with Heidi. I never really realized that it had a full yoga workout (well, like 20 minutes) on it as well. I think I usually just shut it off because she starts with a whole bunch of deep breathing and I got bored.

Anyway, it was actually a very simple but very good yoga workout. It got me energized enough to do dinner and clean the kitchen before falling into an exhausted pile on the couch (where I shall remain for the rest of the evening other than to go get a snack in a bit).

Found: Energy!

I'm finally getting a little of my spark back this week. I've really been feeling okay, just a bit sluggish and bloaty and blah. This week I'm not sure if I'm generally feeling more energetic, if I'm just adjusting to the other feelings, adjusting to being back to work, or just made up my mind to be more energetic, but either way. It's here.

Last night after dinner Nut Jo and I walked to the park (quickly!).

Tonight I got home from work and popped in one of my good ol' pregnancy workout DVD's and did some salsa dancing. I feel better just having moved a little.

I have to keep reminding myself that exercise makes me feel better. Always has.

At 10 weeks, 5 days...

...I was asked at work today, by someone who didn't know, if I was expecting. I'm pretty certain it's not all that normal to be noticeably showing at 10 weeks 5 days. But I am.

Then I was asked this evening at the park by some little girl if we were "having a baby." Yes. Yes we are.

Oy. I don't want to know the kind of comments I'll be getting come March and April.

The best and the worst

The best parts about being pregnant: getting a belly, the knowledge that I'm growing life, Heidi's excitement over her "little sister," the love of friends and family.

Worst parts about being pregnant: everything else.

I so wanted to love it this time, or at least like it.

But I don't. I don't like feeling like a stranger in my own body. Feeling sluggish. Nauseous. Moody. Exhausted. Bloated. Overwhelmed. I don't like it at all.

But I love you, my baby.

In case you don't believe me.

Some folks make surprised faces or give me looks of disbelief when I say that I am noticeably HUGER in the evening than I am in the morning. Like a lot.

Yesterday I was 10 weeks so I took a belly picture in the morning just to document the week.

Then, just for fun, I took one when I got home last night.

I was tightening my muscles in both pictures. Can you see why my pants are tight at the end of the day?

Q&A with Heidi

Heidi is in "baby-mode" you could say, these days. We spent the entire car ride to daycare this morning discussing the baby and answering her questions. And then a few more tonight. Went something like this:

Heidi: Is the baby feeling good?
Me: Yeah, the baby's feeling pretty good. (She asks since we went to the doctor yesterday)

Heidi: Why are you having a baby?
Me: I guess we wanted one, for you to have a baby brother or sister.

Heidi: What is the baby called? (What will be its name?)
Me: I don't know yet, first we have to find out if it's a baby brother or sister.

Heidi: How will you get the baby out?
Me: {nervously} Well, it'll be kinda hard, the doctors will help me {thankfully she accepted that}.

On the way home tonight we were talking about a baby at daycare that she really likes then she said...
Heidi: I love our baby because I love babies!
Me: I'm glad

Josh was teasing her that she wanted a baby brother
Heidi: No, a baby sister!
Josh: What if it's a baby brother?
Me: That would be kind of cool, huh?
Heidi: [Muttering something about it having hair] It's a baby sister!

Then she asked if the baby was coming. Not for a while yet kiddo. Not for a while.

Sounds just as good as it looks

We had another prenatal (or is it antenatal) appointment today with my regular doctor. I had Heidi with me and when the doctor finally came in she asked Heidi if she'd come along to hear the heartbeat. I was thinking to myself "yeah, right." With Heidi Jean, we were never able to find the heartbeat. We didn't see or hear it until our 20 week ultrasound (the only one we had with her). I figured there was no way at 9 weeks along that we were going to hear the heartbeat. But what'd'ya know, she put the doppler on and there it was clear as day. 174 beats per minute. What a lovely sound.

Heidi didn't know what to think but did tell me that she wants to have a baby in her tummy. I told her not for a looooong loooong time.

Baby "Noodle"

Thanks to my friend, Meagon, baby has been dubbed baby "Noodle." You know I'm a fan of nicknames for baby and this one seems fitting since one of the few things that sounds good to eat these days (or at least tolerable) is chicken noodle soup. Especially the kind with the old fashioned "homemade" like noodles. I've been craving it every time I've been at Kwik Trip, but they haven't had it yet. Sad times.

Other things that are pleasing to my pregnancy palate: Chicken flavored Ramen (rollseyes), cereal (especially frosted mini wheats), macaroni salad, oatmeal, cookies, salads with ranch dressing, chocolate milk, frozen pot pies. School lunch is also sounding appetizing.

Loving it!

I'm loving being "out" about my pregnancy! It sucks having happy news and so few to share it with (okay, I told like 30 people before I was officially "out," but it's still more fun now that everybody (and their brothers) knows! I know that I'm pretty psyched to find out that friends are pregnant, and it's like a million times better when I know that there was lots of sweat and tears poured into getting there. Judging from the outpouring of love I've gotten, I think my friends feel the same. I almost want to just shout it to strangers "I'm pregnant! It took me 2 ridiculous years to get here, but I'm finally pregnant with a sticky baby!!"

We got home from a trip up North this weekend and snuggled our Heidi Jean all up. Then I pointed to my belly and asked her what was in there. She remembered :)

Bloodwork all came back normal, baby looked beautiful and heart was beating away at 167 beats per minute. Hopefully I can relax now.

Tomorrow is the big day!

Tomorrow I finally get to see my baby and see a little heart beating and share the happy news with everyone who doesn't already know. It's been almost 4 weeks since I got my first positive pregnancy test and I had no idea if I'd make it this far, if I'd have some gut feeling, if I'd have spotting, etc. Surprisingly, these last 4 weeks have gone pretty fast. I still feel pregnant (and terrible at times). It reassures me. I feel pretty positive about the appointment tomorrow. But there's still that little niggling voice in the back of my head that says "what if?" What if we go in and see nothing or see a baby that's so far behind in it's development that it's not viable? I just don't know if I can do it again. All I can do is pray pray pray that I don't have to. That all is well in the world.

Tomorrow at 1:45 cannot come soon enough.

My pregnancy accent?

My husband has claimed that since I've been pregnant (well, really in the last couple of weeks) I've started saying some words differently. Particularly "now" "down" etc. I have a bit more of a Minnesota/Canadian accent than normal, I guess. Never heard of this particular side effect, but Josh is certain that it's pregnancy related.

The non-hangover

So I was the designated driver for my cousin's bachelorette party last night. Obviously I didn't have anything to drink. Got home around 2:15. Woke up this morning around 9 and felt like death. Seriously, not even a drop of alcohol and I still feel hungover. Totally unfair.

2 Days until our ultrasound! I'm feeling somewhat assured that I still feel crappy...seems like my morning sickness eased up a little bit last time around this time. Just can't wait to see the baby.

Food

You don't realize how much it sucks to have no food sound good until it happens. Terrible to know that you have to eat but can't think of a single food that sounds appetizing. Gah.

Tried on my Bridesmaid's dress for Emily's wedding today, it fits with just a tiny bit of room to spare. Hope that little bump doesn't come one too quickly!

4 Days till we see our baby!

A few things

1. I feel like I've popped. Flat tummy is no more. A-Okay.

2. Afternoons suck. I wish I could lay in my bed all afternoon every day.

3. I'm tired of pretending not to be pregnant. Only 6 days until the ultrasound. Can't wait.

Gotta love hormones

I'm surprised marriages survive pregnancy. Mine in particular. Luckily my husband has the patience of a saint and enough willpower to not say all the stuff I'm sure he's thinking. I hate feeling out of control of what I say and do, but somehow the hormones just take over. It's how I knew I was pregnant the previous two times--we had huge blowup fights and I knew I was acting insane. It's waited a couple more weeks to show up this time around but it's here with a vengeance now. Please go away crazy person and let me resume my normal life.

On the good side, we're down to 10 days until the ultrasound. Tomorrow it'll be single digits!

Pregnancy Brain

I have found, time-and-time-again, that pregnancy brain is a real true honest-to-goodness actual thing.

Like this morning when I was so certain my phone was in the house and I search my purse thoroughly, the laundry, the washer & dryer, the garbage, the toy box, and every other place I could think of where it could possibly be. Only to find it on the front seat of the car.

Six weeks today!!! 12 Days until ultrasound day!

Facebook Anticipation

One thing I'm really looking forward to is mass-sharing the good news on Facebook. Gotta love social networking as a way to make sure I can get lots of kudos and congrats :) 

I already have my status update planned, that I will post the afternoon of August 23rd, provided all goes well and we see a little heart beating. It will say, "I think the only thing more beautiful than two pink lines is a little tiny heart beating inside of me."

Or something like that. I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it :)

13 days to go.

I love my husband

Right now, I'm sitting in my chair, watching baseball. My husband is out mowing the lawn with our daughter. He helped clean up dinner. He entertained Heidi. All without complaint. It makes me feel like it's okay to be exhausted. It's okay to have to lay down because my back hurts. He'll pick up the slack. What a perfect life.

2 weeks until we see our baby.

Sesame seed meet vertebrae

So, about, oh...40 weeks into my pregnancy with Heidi Jean (during delivery) I found out that I have scoliosis. I made it to 25 years old without discovering that little fact. Mom says it was never brought up at any of my well-child visits, so we had no way of knowing. My theory is that pregnancy made it more pronounced. Now when I don't have clothes on there is a pretty noticeable difference between my hips. Anyway, with Heidi's pregnancy I had a ton of back pain throughout. Sitting at my desk at work was like Chinese water torture or something. It hurt so badly.

And now, at 5 weeks 4 days, my back is ALREADY hurting. Seriously, what could a baby the size of a sesame seed be doing to make my back hurt? I get it that things loosen up (ligaments and muscles and such) during pregnancy, but this is ridiculous. I'm thinking I'm going to need to modify my work chair with a pillow or something for the 8 months of pregnancy that I'll be working (not counting this first one). I'd really like to go to the chiropractor throughout the pregnancy, but I don't know if I can fit it in schedule-wise without taking off of work all the time, so it probably won't happen. I'm just going to try not feeling guilty for laying around for the remaining days of my summer break. And I'm going to try to remember that I thought it would be neat to be due during the school year (as opposed to during the summer like I was last time), so that the kids could see me right up to the end and know when I was gone that I'd had the baby.

In good news, only 15 days now until we get to see our baby!

Putting the cart before the horse

Things I probably shouldn't be thinking about/worrying about at this point in the pregnancy:

--How will we go for walks with an almost 4 year old and a newborn? Double stroller? Sit-n-stand? Heidi can ride her bike?
--Pain meds during delivery or no pain meds? (I'm leaning towards no).
--If it's a boy, will we circumcise (I say no, Josh says yes)?
--Will breastfeeding be a better experience this time? Will I get to have my skin-to-skin time right away and try to nurse right away?
--How will I split my time between Heidi and baby? How will Josh and I split our time with the kids?
--What will we name him/her?

I have 34 and a half weeks to figure out all the answers I guess.

16 Days until the ultrasound.

Note to self

Things not to do when newly pregnant:
--skydive
--bullriding
--jalapeno pepper eating competition
--ride rollercoasters
--beer pong
--agree to watch a two month old who still wakes up for hours at night for a weekend.

Noted.

The ebbs and flows

It is amazing just how many ebbs and flows I go through in a day. Moments of feeling wonderfully pregnant--counteracted by moments of feeling devastatingly normal. Moments of life as usual polarized by thoughts of what-if and worries and anxieties. Several times every day I spend just being excited about our baby. Just looking forward to April and meeting our new baby and what he/she will be like and how Heidi will react. Several times every day I picture going in to the ultrasound and seeing what we've seen the last two times. Nothing. I picture myself sobbing and wondering how I will continue to go on. Knowing that losing this baby would be a million times worse than the months and months of waiting for the positive pregnancy test. I pray daily for nausea and heartburn and exhaustion and moodiness. Thinking that they will reassure me, when I know better. I had them all last time and no indication that anything was wrong until I got to the ultrasound.

These 18 days cannot pass soon enough.

Five Weeks

Thirty five weeks to go. I have a feeling that Thursdays are going to become my favorite day because I wake up another week pregnant :) Five weeks sounds farther along than four weeks, right? So far so good. I feel physically fine but still enough different that I'm not in constant panic. No spotting at all, which is good (but not 100% reassuring because I didn't have any last time either). I got my Your Pregnancy Week by Week book back yesterday so I read up on all the preliminary stuff and weeks 4 and 5. Nothing too much there that I didn't remember from last time.

Other than that. Took an excellent nap today. Really really crabby tonight (especially at my child that's outside the womb).

19 Days until we see our baby :)

It's amazing what you forget

Granted, it's been almost 3 years since I've been at this stage of a pregnancy. Those first few weeks of figuring everything out and feeling all the little twinges and stretches. I feel like I've forgotten all the things I'm not supposed to eat and the things I can and cannot do. I got this book from the doctor yesterday, more like a large pamphlet, really, called Great Expectations. I read the whole thing today, just to remind myself of how quickly the baby will grow and develop, which exercises are the best to do, what foods to eat, etc.

I feel like I'm doing it all again for the first time. Probably because I'm a little more cognizant of every little thing this time around.

Grow baby grow! 20 days until I get to see you :)

First Appointment

I had my first appointment this morning (after finagling a few ears that wanted me to wait until the end of August--wasn't going to happen). I really like my doctor, she always takes a lot of time to make sure she explains everything and answers any questions that I have. It was pretty uneventful overall--peed in the cup, got some blood drawn and a prescription for prenatals.

At the front desk they had me make my next 2 appointments (end of August, end of September). I feel like that's tempting fate a little bit, but I just have to have faith and believe that everything is going to be okay.

I went to the drugstore afterwards to get my prenatals and I was browsing around while we waited for them. I saw this little paperweight that was just a glass orb with the word "Hope" inside. I just had to have it.

21 Days till we get to see our baby!

Insomnia sucks

Seriously, at 4 weeks and some-odd-days pregnant, why is my sleep already messed up? HJ woke us up last night around 2:30 and wouldn't you know it, I'm like wide awake. And hungry. And really thirsty. Finally I gave in and got up and filled my water bottle and got a pack of Emerald Breakfast to Go and played on the computer for a little while. I probably lost a good 2 hours of sleep, but did manage to finally fall back asleep. Exhausted right now but I know it won't last once I get into bed. My mind just races then, thinking about the baby and how we'll tell people after we see the heartbeat and what we need to buy and wondering how the pregnancy will go and what kind of delivery I should have and what we will name him or her and how Heidi will react. There's just a lot to think about.

My first appointment with my regular doctor is tomorrow. She's the one that I'd like to have deliver me and I really really like her bedside manner. I'm sure the appointment will be non-eventful.

22 days until the big ultrasound.

Sometimes I forget...

As exciting as it is to be pregnant, sometimes I still forget. Granted I've only known I am pregnant for five days and I do think about it a majority of the day, but sometimes it's just life as normal. Physically I feel pretty good, just an occasional bout of uneasiness. Emotionally, I'm trying not to think about it too much because I am still so worried and if I think about it too much, it seems worse.

I really enjoy having the handful of people that are in the know that I can chat with about it. Makes it seem a little bit more real to speak the words out loud.

23 days until I get to see my baby :)

Only a newly pregnant person...

...is somewhat excited to feel nauseas after eating something. A little bittersweet that it was a packet of Fun Dip that made me have to go lay down for a minute. Perhaps that's a good sign for my waistline this time around because Lord knows that my daughter was grown almost entirely on orange Crush and Sweettarts.

Maybe it's a boy?

Before

I start this pregnancy in, what I would consider, the best shape of my life. Something about 2011, and I think some of it was the frustration of not being able to get pregnant and being so out of control of something so big, but something about 2011 spurred me to really take charge of my body and my health. I started counting calories using myfitnesspal.com (something I've never done but just took to so well and it worked amazing for me) and I continued really exercising consistently, mostly with the 30 Day Shred. With all of that hard work, I'm starting this pregnancy out weighing 128 pounds, roughly 11 pounds less than I weighed when I got my BFP with Heidi Jean's pregnancy. It is a little hard to change the mindset so quickly. To go from a losing weight mindset to an eating for two mindset. I'm going to try to be conscious of my choices (cutting out all caffeine which is huge for me), but not over do it. The most important thing for me is a healthy baby and an enjoyable pregnancy. I know if I can work my way into this shape after the gluttonous 9 months that were my pregnancy with Heidi, I can do it again if I have to. 

So here is before: 4 weeks pregnant. Weight 128. Size 4-6. Foxxy Mama :)

I can't wait to see my belly grow.

Hello, moodiness

I about killed the cat this afternoon. Seriously cat, if you're smart enough to know you need to try to speed past me into Heidi's room as I slam the door, then you are smart enough to know you're NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THERE. I seriously flipped out. I hate being this hormonal, but, in my defense, my kid didn't let me nap today :( I was feeling really gross (kind of crampy and anxious) after the flip out on the cat, so I've been laying still and drinking water. Something about drinking water makes me think I'm going to grow my baby completely on water, like if I don't have enough, s/he'll stop growing. Must have more water.

In happy news, I told my mom and my sister's today. They're all so excited, but like me, just hoping that this is it and everything goes smoothly with this pregnancy. It sucks that we can't just all be unequivocally elated with no worries at all, but that's life, I guess.

August 23rd I have an ultrasound scheduled. I can't wait to see the little heartbeat, have I mentioned that in every post so far. 25 days baby!

4 Weeks!

The best thing about not testing right away (I've been known to test as early as 10 Days Past Ovulation [DPO]) is that you are pretty much already 4 weeks along by the time that second line shows up. Only 36 weeks until I'm holding my new baby, give-or-take.

Symptoms so far are so slight that I'm probably only noticing them because I know I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant!! Anyway, symptoms: slight heartburn from time-to-time, a little more tired than usual, more crabby than usual (can I blame that on the pregnancy? Josh says this is when I start hating him and being mean), more thirsty than usual and I've been chugging water like a fiend, slight headache today (could be caffeine withdrawal), feeling a little more winded when exercising, and a little bloat I think.

I didn't do anything else pregnancy related today other than pee on a second stick (a little darker, yay!), text my mom to get together for lunch tomorrow to share the news, and text my friend that I need my Your Pregnancy Week By Week book back. I'm trying to eat healthy, which so far has been fairly easy since no nausea is present yet (knock-on-wood) and with all the water drinking helps too.

Still so excited and still so scared. Planning to call the doctor tomorrow to set up my first appointment. Just can't wait to see that little heart beating so I can shout it from the rooftops!

Still thinking of a name for in-utero baby too, I tend to refer to him/her as "Baby Love" so that may just end up sticking. Josh calls it "Baby Thumper" but that's Heidi's name to me :)

Day 1

Today I am roughly 3 weeks, 6 days pregnant, I think. This baby is so very very wanted that I'm afraid to talk about it for fear that it will disappear. It isn't an irrational fear since it's happened twice before.

In July 2008 we gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl, Heidi Jean. Man that girl is the love of my life. So full of spirit and energy. So sassy and yet so sweet. On her first birthday we got a huge surprise. We were going to give her a little sibling. Heidi's pregnancy was textbook and I had no reason to believe that this pregnancy wouldn't be the same. Unfortunately (after having told everyone we knew about the pregnancy) within the first few weeks I started bleeding and miscarried our surprise, but much wanted, baby. The doctor didn't believe there was any reason to be concerned. Miscarriages are so common and we have one healthy child. We started trying again right away. We both wanted another baby so badly after losing "baby bee." We got pregnant again quickly, the second month of trying, I think. I felt so sick the entire time, which I took to be a good sign. We told only a handful of close friends and family this time, just in case, but I went in to my ultrasound at 7ish weeks expecting to see a little heartbeat and be able to shout the news from the rooftops. Unfortunately the ultrasound showed an empty uterus. Just a yolk sac and no developing baby. I was devastated. We decided to take a few months off of trying to conceive to emotionally rebuild.

We started trying to conceive again in June of 2010, expecting a quick positive pregnancy test, since we'd already conceived three times quite easily. Month-after-month the tests came back negative. Eventually I switched doctors and was then referred to a specialist to help us problem-solve. They took loads of blood, but found only a low (or high, I can't remember) Protein C, which is easily remedied with Aspirin. So I started taking my daily tonic of aspirin, folic acid, fish oil, and a multi-vitamin. More months went by. I knew I was ovulating (I'd even seen the beautiful follicles on ultrasound) and I knew we were timing everything right, but it just wasn't happening. Eventually the doctor said that the next step was to have Josh have a semen analysis done, even though we'd been pregnant three times so we really didn't think that was the issue. His first analysis everything came back low. Everything. We were both devastated again. Nonetheless, the results just didn't seem right. We decided to redo the test, knowing that the specialist would probably have him redo it anyway. The second test, everything came back within normal limits. That was last month.

Since we started trying again 13 months ago, there've been so many cycles that I've thought "this is the one." I've had heartburn and nausea (dry heaves even), moodiness, broken out skin. I've had it all. This month, I didn't have any hope. I haven't tested in months because it's just too disheartening to see that single line. Nevertheless, this morning, I had Heidi hand me a test out of the cupboard. I peed into the cup and dropped the droplets into the circle. I was chatting with Heidi about our day.

And then I looked over and saw it. A second line. It was almost beyond my comprehension. The first day of knowing that you are pregnant, that you are growing a little human, that day is such a mixture of feelings. I'm so excited. Over-the-moon excited and thrilled. I'm nervous about how our family will change and how I'll handle being a mom of two. And I'm terrified. I'm terrified of losing this baby.

We are planning on stopping after two children and I really want to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, so I'm starting here.

Little one, I love you so much. I cannot wait to meet you in April. I can't wait to introduce you to your big sister. I am so excited to be your mom.