It is amazing just how many ebbs and flows I go through in a day. Moments of feeling wonderfully pregnant--counteracted by moments of feeling devastatingly normal. Moments of life as usual polarized by thoughts of what-if and worries and anxieties. Several times every day I spend just being excited about our baby. Just looking forward to April and meeting our new baby and what he/she will be like and how Heidi will react. Several times every day I picture going in to the ultrasound and seeing what we've seen the last two times. Nothing. I picture myself sobbing and wondering how I will continue to go on. Knowing that losing this baby would be a million times worse than the months and months of waiting for the positive pregnancy test. I pray daily for nausea and heartburn and exhaustion and moodiness. Thinking that they will reassure me, when I know better. I had them all last time and no indication that anything was wrong until I got to the ultrasound.
These 18 days cannot pass soon enough.
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