Sometimes I forget...

As exciting as it is to be pregnant, sometimes I still forget. Granted I've only known I am pregnant for five days and I do think about it a majority of the day, but sometimes it's just life as normal. Physically I feel pretty good, just an occasional bout of uneasiness. Emotionally, I'm trying not to think about it too much because I am still so worried and if I think about it too much, it seems worse.

I really enjoy having the handful of people that are in the know that I can chat with about it. Makes it seem a little bit more real to speak the words out loud.

23 days until I get to see my baby :)

Only a newly pregnant person...

...is somewhat excited to feel nauseas after eating something. A little bittersweet that it was a packet of Fun Dip that made me have to go lay down for a minute. Perhaps that's a good sign for my waistline this time around because Lord knows that my daughter was grown almost entirely on orange Crush and Sweettarts.

Maybe it's a boy?

Before

I start this pregnancy in, what I would consider, the best shape of my life. Something about 2011, and I think some of it was the frustration of not being able to get pregnant and being so out of control of something so big, but something about 2011 spurred me to really take charge of my body and my health. I started counting calories using myfitnesspal.com (something I've never done but just took to so well and it worked amazing for me) and I continued really exercising consistently, mostly with the 30 Day Shred. With all of that hard work, I'm starting this pregnancy out weighing 128 pounds, roughly 11 pounds less than I weighed when I got my BFP with Heidi Jean's pregnancy. It is a little hard to change the mindset so quickly. To go from a losing weight mindset to an eating for two mindset. I'm going to try to be conscious of my choices (cutting out all caffeine which is huge for me), but not over do it. The most important thing for me is a healthy baby and an enjoyable pregnancy. I know if I can work my way into this shape after the gluttonous 9 months that were my pregnancy with Heidi, I can do it again if I have to. 

So here is before: 4 weeks pregnant. Weight 128. Size 4-6. Foxxy Mama :)

I can't wait to see my belly grow.

Hello, moodiness

I about killed the cat this afternoon. Seriously cat, if you're smart enough to know you need to try to speed past me into Heidi's room as I slam the door, then you are smart enough to know you're NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THERE. I seriously flipped out. I hate being this hormonal, but, in my defense, my kid didn't let me nap today :( I was feeling really gross (kind of crampy and anxious) after the flip out on the cat, so I've been laying still and drinking water. Something about drinking water makes me think I'm going to grow my baby completely on water, like if I don't have enough, s/he'll stop growing. Must have more water.

In happy news, I told my mom and my sister's today. They're all so excited, but like me, just hoping that this is it and everything goes smoothly with this pregnancy. It sucks that we can't just all be unequivocally elated with no worries at all, but that's life, I guess.

August 23rd I have an ultrasound scheduled. I can't wait to see the little heartbeat, have I mentioned that in every post so far. 25 days baby!

4 Weeks!

The best thing about not testing right away (I've been known to test as early as 10 Days Past Ovulation [DPO]) is that you are pretty much already 4 weeks along by the time that second line shows up. Only 36 weeks until I'm holding my new baby, give-or-take.

Symptoms so far are so slight that I'm probably only noticing them because I know I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant!! Anyway, symptoms: slight heartburn from time-to-time, a little more tired than usual, more crabby than usual (can I blame that on the pregnancy? Josh says this is when I start hating him and being mean), more thirsty than usual and I've been chugging water like a fiend, slight headache today (could be caffeine withdrawal), feeling a little more winded when exercising, and a little bloat I think.

I didn't do anything else pregnancy related today other than pee on a second stick (a little darker, yay!), text my mom to get together for lunch tomorrow to share the news, and text my friend that I need my Your Pregnancy Week By Week book back. I'm trying to eat healthy, which so far has been fairly easy since no nausea is present yet (knock-on-wood) and with all the water drinking helps too.

Still so excited and still so scared. Planning to call the doctor tomorrow to set up my first appointment. Just can't wait to see that little heart beating so I can shout it from the rooftops!

Still thinking of a name for in-utero baby too, I tend to refer to him/her as "Baby Love" so that may just end up sticking. Josh calls it "Baby Thumper" but that's Heidi's name to me :)

Day 1

Today I am roughly 3 weeks, 6 days pregnant, I think. This baby is so very very wanted that I'm afraid to talk about it for fear that it will disappear. It isn't an irrational fear since it's happened twice before.

In July 2008 we gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl, Heidi Jean. Man that girl is the love of my life. So full of spirit and energy. So sassy and yet so sweet. On her first birthday we got a huge surprise. We were going to give her a little sibling. Heidi's pregnancy was textbook and I had no reason to believe that this pregnancy wouldn't be the same. Unfortunately (after having told everyone we knew about the pregnancy) within the first few weeks I started bleeding and miscarried our surprise, but much wanted, baby. The doctor didn't believe there was any reason to be concerned. Miscarriages are so common and we have one healthy child. We started trying again right away. We both wanted another baby so badly after losing "baby bee." We got pregnant again quickly, the second month of trying, I think. I felt so sick the entire time, which I took to be a good sign. We told only a handful of close friends and family this time, just in case, but I went in to my ultrasound at 7ish weeks expecting to see a little heartbeat and be able to shout the news from the rooftops. Unfortunately the ultrasound showed an empty uterus. Just a yolk sac and no developing baby. I was devastated. We decided to take a few months off of trying to conceive to emotionally rebuild.

We started trying to conceive again in June of 2010, expecting a quick positive pregnancy test, since we'd already conceived three times quite easily. Month-after-month the tests came back negative. Eventually I switched doctors and was then referred to a specialist to help us problem-solve. They took loads of blood, but found only a low (or high, I can't remember) Protein C, which is easily remedied with Aspirin. So I started taking my daily tonic of aspirin, folic acid, fish oil, and a multi-vitamin. More months went by. I knew I was ovulating (I'd even seen the beautiful follicles on ultrasound) and I knew we were timing everything right, but it just wasn't happening. Eventually the doctor said that the next step was to have Josh have a semen analysis done, even though we'd been pregnant three times so we really didn't think that was the issue. His first analysis everything came back low. Everything. We were both devastated again. Nonetheless, the results just didn't seem right. We decided to redo the test, knowing that the specialist would probably have him redo it anyway. The second test, everything came back within normal limits. That was last month.

Since we started trying again 13 months ago, there've been so many cycles that I've thought "this is the one." I've had heartburn and nausea (dry heaves even), moodiness, broken out skin. I've had it all. This month, I didn't have any hope. I haven't tested in months because it's just too disheartening to see that single line. Nevertheless, this morning, I had Heidi hand me a test out of the cupboard. I peed into the cup and dropped the droplets into the circle. I was chatting with Heidi about our day.

And then I looked over and saw it. A second line. It was almost beyond my comprehension. The first day of knowing that you are pregnant, that you are growing a little human, that day is such a mixture of feelings. I'm so excited. Over-the-moon excited and thrilled. I'm nervous about how our family will change and how I'll handle being a mom of two. And I'm terrified. I'm terrified of losing this baby.

We are planning on stopping after two children and I really want to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, so I'm starting here.

Little one, I love you so much. I cannot wait to meet you in April. I can't wait to introduce you to your big sister. I am so excited to be your mom.